The obvious answers to "How have you been?", "How is life?" and its other iterations are either you reply saying it's (1) good or bad, or (2) kebs or keribels (something new I learned last month). Lately, I found myself musing on a totally different response: "I'm in love!"
Alat, bro.
Yes, ladies and germs, that kid on the radio is in love--after what, close to 10 months of... aggressive flirtation with the general public...? I really dunno how to word "lantarang paglalandi" in English. Ha ha.
If you're gonna ask me to spill on who this person is, there's a fat chance that I would give you a blank stare and quip "No comment, next question." Who I'm seeing right now is really irrelevant to this blog post (and this blog in general) only because what I want to write about is the experience of that kind of love; what I'm feeling, and hopefully make you guys can realize what you have and appreciate it more OR realize what you don't have and make you want to find that person who genuinely loves you for who you are!
What do I mean when I say "I'm in love!", if people ask me how I've been? For starters, if you're trying to flirt with me, it basically means GTFAFM, fully perfumed and tied with a ribbon. Kidding aside, it means I'm feeling everything imaginable! Happiness coupled with bouts of sadness, joy and pain, frustration and anger mixed with fear, side-by-side with glee, calm and glimmers of hope--all in healthy doses. But if there's one thing I'm feeling that notably stands out from everything else, it's contentment. I feel content to the point that I can honestly say that I couldn't wish for anything better for myself because I know I'm not settling. Mediocrity is soooo summer of 2011. Boom. Ha ha.
Anything else, aside from being a walking smorgasbord of emotions? Well, I'm also trying to say that I'm trying to be a better person. It's a "me" that's trying to be the best for someone else, aside from myself; a "me" that's living a life for two without being selfish--something I haven't really done in close to 2 years. It also means that my playlist on my iTunes is different: I can't seem to sing to sad, emo songs with as much emotion as I used to. simply put, hindi ko na sya feel. Happy songs and good vibes all the way for this radio disc jock.
One more thing that I'm trying to say is that I've forgiven myself. Pretty long stretch, huh? Let's just say that I'm that one person that gives myself a really tough time. I guess that failed relationship from a couple of years back took such a toll on me that I blamed myself for all of the wrongs that came out of that 2 year romance. I realized that I didn't allow myself much happiness after that; that I didn't let myself fall in love and let myself deserve anything near the idea. I guess I was beating myself up over it for so long that I just basically made myself believe that I didn't deserve to be happy; or loved for that matter.
So. Sino ba 'sya? Ha ha. I figured that I'm gonna keep it to myself and to my close group of friends for a while only because I want to try to build it some more before I can confidently tell everyone that this person is the person that I want to spend my whole life with. So until then, secret muna. Ha ha.
Rounding of with something I got out of a discussion in my Philosophy class about the nature of love, and here it goes: "Love is not about wanting to make your partner a better person. It's about wanting to be what's best for that person so she/he won't look for anything else." 'Til the next post!
That kid on the radio.
